Are You Emotionally Supportive? 4 Ways to Know
Can you remember the last time you received encouragement from someone that changed your life? When you felt like you were going to give up, that person was there to embrace and support you. Maybe you want to be emotionally supportive, but you don't know where to start. These are the tips provided by emotionally supportive people who want you to be the best you can be for your fellow peers.
The difference between ineffective and effective emotional support
When providing support, you have to be aware of your delivery. Effective support is when someone can reap something beneficial from the conversation. The important part is to be as receptive and understanding as possible to encourage. There is also also a big difference between being supportive and being enabling which we can get into later.
Let's look at this example. You are really happy about something that just happened, yet your friend has an alternative way of seeing the situation that is not in your best interest. They are planting their desires and opinions on your personal experience that you did not ask for.
This may change your perspective on a situation in a negative way. Moments like these can be crucial to a person's development. Using the same example, you make a lot of money and your family members say you’re getting greedy. Every time you mention money or spend it on something you enjoy, all you hear from them is that it’s going to your head and you should be careful. You feel that you have a good grasp on your finances. You're more financially sound than you've ever been in your life, yet when you hear your family's 'concern' you begin to question if having money is a good thing. You begin to develop a negative view of making money which can hinder your ability to make money in the future.
If you struggle with relating to someone or even being happy for them when they come to you with good or bad news, then this is a good time to reflect on why you react and respond in negative ways. Sometimes you are unaware that you are not a supportive person. Maybe all of your friends quietly keep things to themselves without being honest by telling you that you could work on being supportive.
If you are unsure you are a supportive person, as yourself these questions:
Am I happy for others when they bring me good news? Do I get annoyed that they are 'doing better' than me and hold a grudge?
When someone tells me a problem, do I immediately judge them for getting into the mess in the first place?
Do I look at someone differently after they have confided in me?
Do I immediately think I am better than someone after they have confided in me?
Am I able to hear what someone is saying by listening actively?
Do I let someone vent to me just to get it out of the way so we can change the subject?
If these questions sound like you, then it's okay. You may have a little bit of work to do so that you can be a supportive friend.
You want to be mindful of how you react and encourage someone always to do their best and offer advice when advice is needed.
Active listening
Communication is key to being emotionally supportive. In the article, How to be an Excellent Mindful Communicator, active listening is crucial in showing your love and support. Before someone speaks, you want to show up with your entire presence and listen to the person speak with intention. Allow them to take pauses and be slow to answer as they collect their thoughts. You can even give a bit of reassurance with small affirming language like, "I understand." Giving someone else the airtime to express himself fully is compassion. Give this person your full attention by avoiding distractions.
Empathizing and validating
Empathy can sometimes be difficult to teach, especially for someone who may believe they already have a superior perspective. The basis of empathy is putting aside your own opinions by trying to see things in the other person's view. When they speak about an issue or problem, instead of the initial judgment, you can simply try to understand.
Some people find it hard to be empathetic because they cannot imagine having the same experience as someone else. This requires a bit of creativity and a lot of understanding. Let's use the example of a friend struggling at their new job. Because it is their first job, they find it difficult to adjust to the struggle of work life. They may come to you with concerns about how they will get through all of the tasks they are given and how they are overwhelmed by so many responsibilities.
Perhaps your first thought is to respond with, "I'm not sure why you even have an issue. You are just being lazy."
Instead of being understanding and listening with compassion, you are downplaying the problem. You feel that since you have been working for years at harder and more exhausting jobs, this concern is null to you.
By responding in this way, you are invalidating their experience and making them feel small and unsupported.
Instead of this initial judgment, try placing yourself in the other person's position by evaluating the situation. Imagine that you had never worked a day in your life and it is your first job. It's a sudden change and it can be very uncomfortable. If you did not have all the prior experience you were subject to, perhaps you would be struggling too.
Even if you may not fully understand this point of view, you are still able to provide emotional support by validating this person's feelings. Now that you have this understanding, you can advise on how you overcame this challenge yourself with kindness so that it is better understood.
Love, care, and encouragement
One thing you want to avoid is giving unsolicited advice. Sometimes when someone wants to talk, they just want to get something out of their head. Think about a time when you wanted to talk and have someone listen. You didn’t want them to interrupt you or give you any advice. You just wanted someone to listen. It is the job of the person who is acting as part of an emotional support network to ask if the other person would like advice. If the answer is no, then be there as a listening ear. It is normal to listen to someone without giving advice. You are offering support by giving the ear that they need.
Emotional support is also good when you can provide resources to someone when they don’t know what to do. You may not have all the answers, but being able to provide the right resources will open doors and help them find a solution to an issue. You are still practicing compassion while being helpful and providing the best support. Ways to offer support may include:
Providing somebody with websites for therapy or coaching
Giving someone a helpful blog article
Referring someone to helpful videos or books that may have helped in the past.
Remember you have to know if this person wants advice to begin with or if they are just trying to get something off of their chest.
Take Away Trail
Not every person knows how to be supportive. It is admirable to want to learn how to be emotionally supportive and this brings friends, family, and couples closer. With these tips, you can practice being a great support network for someone and help them to know that they are important and understood.
Join the Trail
Everything starts with YOU. Begin the journey to creating your trail.
Sign up with your email address to receive updates
DISCLOSURE: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS, MEANING I GET A COMMISSION IF YOU DECIDE TO MAKE A PURCHASE THROUGH MY LINKS, AT NO COST TO YOU. PLEASE READ MY TERMS OF USE POLICY FOR MORE INFO
