6 Ways to Overcome Fear of Failure and Move Forward in Life

You just failed. The business flopped. You flunked the test. You made the wrong investment. You're back on the dating sites. You feel like the whole world could swallow you up at any moment and that if you were to try anything new ever again in life, it would be too soon. Set aside the ice cream for now. This is a moment of celebration. Am I bizarre for celebrating? Of course, I am, and you will be too with these ways to overcome failure.

Accept that Failure is normal — and It Can be a Good Thing

Rarely do we succeed the first time. Think about any skill you have. Cooking, playing the violin, tying your shoes. Though these practices seem small scale compared to what you may be grieving over at the moment, these are examples in your life where you were able to develop skills through trial and error.

Failure teaches you in a very humbling way, how to perfect your skills and it can often push you in the right direction. When I first quit my 9-5 job back in Houston, the bills were starting to pile on, and I was beginning to think I had made the world's worst mistake. I tried to start a business with a lack of motivation. I tried many different ventures, all to stop and start again years later with my blog. I learned from my failed business venture that just because the sales don't start rolling in the first few days doesn't mean the business is a failure. I learned about consistency which encouraged me to develop a growth mindset. I studied successful people. I gained tenacity, resilience, and realistic optimism that perpetuated me in this blogging journey. Failure is just another way of opening you up to new opportunities.

Recognize Unhealthy Attempts to Reduce Pain

Feel your feelings by all means. When I experience failure, I take some time to cry it out. For a day or two, I am holed up in my room with a blanket over my head in tears. The sadness you feel once you have to face everyone after a failed attempt feels like a walk of shame. It is okay to cry about it, and it is okay to be sad about it, but you have to be aware of how to cope.

Unhealthy ways to cope include turning to substances that alter your brain chemistry. Maybe you can suppress the feeling for a moment, but it will return. You can hide from the sadness, but you have to face it. You have to sit with it and be uncomfortable. You have to allow your body to tense up and face the negative thoughts circulating in your mind. The mind is amazing and useful, but it can be treacherous if we cannot understand the signals it gives us.

Trying new things is great, but another unhealthy way to deal with failure is to avoid it altogether. Starting a project and quitting in the middle may seem like you're avoiding failing, but this is self-sabotage. You are not keeping yourself safe from feeling bad you are hindering your success. This is where you need to get to the root of your fear of failure. What is the worst thing that could happen if you fail? This is broken down in the article: Stop the Self Sabotage: The Art of Perfection.

Take Responsibility and Accountability

When failure strikes, you have to regroup. The healthiest way to regroup is to recognize what you did to play a part in this situation. I am not saying to beat yourself up. It takes a mature and responsible perspective to show self-compassion to yourself in a vulnerable situation.

This is where self-reflection comes in. First, show yourself kindness to failure. Understandably, failure isn't a fun experience. The evaluations of your accountability are so you don't make the same mistakes on your next venture (because you are resilient and strong). I will use myself as an example. When I first started blogging, I was so annoyed at how much time and effort it took for me to start this whole process. I assumed that I would go viral overnight and that my small amount of effort was enough to make a huge impact on my life. My first mistake was that I had to develop some realistic optimism. Of course, everything I do is successful. My blog is about Meditation MANIFESTATION, and travel, meaning I had all my eggs in the fact that I could pray my way into success without effort. I didn't want to work harder I just wanted it to happen. So when I ended up spending hundreds on advertisements with little substance, I realized I wasn't going anywhere. God wanted to use this as a learning experience that even if I pray as much as I want, it won't happen without dedication and commitment. So I learned from a year of a stagnant blog that I had to get serious.

Evaluate your actions. Why did you fail that test? If you studied for a long time, were you able to retain the information? Perhaps you have to find a new way to study and who knows? Maybe this new method will come in handy in the future when you want to start a business of your own.

Identify the Benefits of Past Failures

A healthy way to cope with failure is to identify past failures and how they ended in positive outcomes. Think about a failed relationship and how you may have realized that this was not the best thing for you. Maybe you learned how to love yourself first or how to create boundaries and look for happiness within instead of in someone else. Sure, the initial heartbreak was crucial, but as time went on you begin to accept the finality of it. You can smile again and look at love in a positive light.

Even if you have never been through a breakup, this example can be equated to different types of failures. You may have learned consistency or you ended up owning a talk show after being fired from a journaling gig, like Oprah. If you can reshape your view of failure you begin to see it more as a lesson and a necessity in growth. No one likes to fail, but the benefits of this experience mean you have learned a valuable life lesson.

Create a Plan for Moving Forward

So it's time to try again. All you have to do is do a little more fine-tuning. Learn something new and study the people who have succeeded in what you want to do. Listen to their failures closely. Building resilience means you have some internal work to do.

My step-by-step formula for building resilience is this:

I cry it out. I wallow for a moment because though these thoughts aren't the most fun to have, they do need my attention and for a moment, I will shine the light on these thoughts.

I create a new plan. My favorite saying that has gotten me through a lot of turmoil is 'There is More Than One Way to Skin a Cat'. As folktale as this sounds, it means there's more than one way to achieve something and more than one way to succeed. After I've evaluated my shortcomings through thorough questioning, I look at my situation and begin researching other ways to accomplish the same thing.

Say, I'm stuck. I don't know what direction to turn or where to start. This is where I turn to God and ask him to show me which direction to go. If I need a specific prayer answered, I begin to fast and pray. I have always received direction after doing this.

Finally, I get to work. I align myself with the goal and start to make moves. I invest time in listening to lectures about what I want to do. I read books and study and kick the procrastination to the curb. I know what not to do, so it's time to try something else.

Celebrate The Failures

Bounce back, baby! You did it! Failure is a great lesson. If you failed while working towards specific goals, you've just finished a lesson. You are going to encounter failure. The most ironic part about it is that we know that failure comes with success, yet we get so surprised when it happens. Celebrate it! Throw yourself a failure party. Congratulate yourself because you are close to getting it right. You have perspective. You've got depth! You have something to share with someone else. You are valuable.

Think about the reviews you read when you're getting ready to buy something online. Maybe the product has a lot of negative reviews, and the people who bought this item have failed at choosing the right thing, but hey, their failure is a lesson for you! You are paying it forward to someone else in your field for every mentor has some advice on things they've tried that works wonders. How did they know? Through trial and error, so cheers to you, future mentor! You've got some juicy knowledge for your future pupil.

Take Away Trail

You are full of success. Sometimes success happens through failure and it's all a part of the journey my friend. Don't let failure take you down this spiral of depression. You have succeeded in failing because it was a necessary step to the goal. You are so strong for taking the chance. You have tenacity. You have grit and you are a success story in the making. Congrats on the failure! Here's to elevation.

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Congrats on Failing: How to Overcome Failure