How to Practice Self-Compassion and Tame Your Inner Critic

Why is it that the first reaction to ourselves when we make a mistake is to reprimand ourselves? We say, "Why am I such an idiot?" "I can't believe how I've been so naive!" It's probably because of the cause and effect we have noticed in our day-to-day lives since childhood. It's time to change the way we see ourselves and tame the inner critic.

Self-Kindness Instead of Self-Judgment

When I was first starting to change the way I speak to myself, I had to first make myself aware of the negative self-talk. If I asked myself, 'Am I Being Harsh to Myself?' the answer would be 'Maybe' or 'Not that often.' When I started to see exactly how many times I would call myself stupid or downplay compliments, I began to do a realistic assessment of myself. I was not being compassionate at all. I gave myself no room for growth. Instead, I got frustrated with myself when I couldn't get something right the first time. There was no learning curve for me, and that self-love I thought I had, was self-pity.

Practicing self-compassion can start just like this, with self-awareness. When going throughout the day, notice how many times you exhibit negative emotions toward yourself. When you find yourself speaking negatively, stop yourself. The Bible says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit" (Proverbs 18:21), which is why you want to be careful of how to speak to yourself and over yourself. If you can stop yourself mid-sentence, turn the sentence around. Instead of, 'I am such an idiot to make this mistake' turn it into, 'I have learned another lesson today, and I am grateful that I know what to do next time' This can seem challenging at first, but the more you practice self-compassion, the easier it will become.

Common Misconceptions About Self-Compassion

Here is where some people get a bit too relaxed. They use self-compassion as an excuse to avoid taking personal accountability for their actions. They don't want to be too hard on themselves by facing the problem with a solution. Instead, they blame the problem and ignore the solution.

Here is an example of this behavior:

A person has an encounter with a close friend. Lately, the friend has brought it to this person's attention that they have not been an active listener. In this situation, instead of the person evaluating his actions so that perhaps they could work on improving the relationship, he doesn't trigger self-criticism. He immediately assumes that his behavior is right and justified. He doesn't want to 'tear himself down' by accusing himself of destructive behavior. He may say, 'Me? A bad listener? That's not right and I can't believe I am being accused of such a thing. I am a great listener, +and they have no idea what they are talking about.'

All self-criticism is not bad self-criticism. It doesn't turn you into a bad person if you acknowledge that you have shortcomings or things you have to work on. It's the way to handle these shortcomings that have been discovered that turned into self-deprecating behavior. You have to take the good and the bad with kindness. You are not perfect and that is okay because you were not made to be perfect. Life is a string of lessons and adventures if you are self-aware of what you have to work on and how you view your relationship with yourself, you can continue on the path of self-improvement with a positive attitude.

Treat Yourself Like a Good Friend

Another self-compassion exercise is to treat yourself like a good friend. When I struggled with my self-esteem, I often found that I would treat others way better than I would treat myself. I would bend over backward for my friends yet criticize everything I do for myself.

If this sounds like you, try to speak to yourself in a way you would a friend. If you notice your friend is super tired because she hasn't been getting enough sleep, you would advise her to go to bed on time. Maybe you would set up her room to be nice and cozy for when she's done with her work. You might play soothing music for her at night so when it's time for bed, she feels relaxed. Sometimes it can seem easier to be a compassionate person for someone else. In the beginning stages of your self-compassion practice, pretend that you are this 'someone else'.

What I enjoy about this exercise is that you discover how truly kind and beautiful you are when you treat yourself with love and care. You can notice the beauty you put out into the world, and while you are filling your cup, you are energizing yourself to exude this compassion to others in a way that builds stronger relationships.

A Growth Mindset

Whatever you want to accomplish, there will be obstacles along the way. The biggest obstacle is in the mind. In the time of elevation, you have to be more alert because you are on your way to success. The inner critic is going crazy. Suddenly, you have new insecurities about your process. Before you were so excited to accomplish your goals, and now it seems like you don't know how to stay positive.

I understand wanting to start a business or complete a project with utmost accuracy. You want to make sure everything you are putting out is perfect and reflects you well, but with self-improvement, this is where the growth mindset in self-compassion kicks in. Making the conscious effort to show kindness to your effort, while still exhibiting forgiving language when you are in this learning curve can be a lot to handle. To elevate the growth mindset I suggest the good old-fashioned pros and cons list. Here are some questions to get you started:

Pros:

What are you doing right in your efforts? How much have you grown since last month? Since last year? What are you most proud of so far? What are you looking forward to?

Cons:

What are your shortcomings? How can you show kindness in adjusting your behavior? What are the negative thoughts you have when it comes to this project/business/assignment? How can you improve while still giving yourself breaks?

Physical Health

Taking care of your physical health is showing ultimate love and compassion for yourself. You are taking care of your home and being a good steward of what you were given. When you exercise, take caution in your diet, and sleep, you tend to feel better. Your mind is clearer and you feel physically stronger. Self-compassion starts with healthy habits and taking care of your body is important. Here are some small ways to practice this self-compassion exercise.

Drink more water: Water clears the skin, hydrates the body, and flushes out the toxins.

Exercise daily: Even if it's for a short amount of time. Go for walks and hikes. You are spending time in nature while moving your body.

Embrace physical touch: It can help to receive hugs from a friend and soak in that moment. If you are not into physical touch from others, hold your hand. This may sound bizarre, but if you can be delicate with yourself, you can receive comfort from yourself. Rub your shoulders gently, and even give yourself a nice pat on the back.

Stretch in the mornings and evenings: Release some tension built up in the body by practicing a few stretches.

Adjust your diet: Eat foods that you know will help your body. I know personally, I love sugar and sweets. I have to make a conscious decision to choose healthier options whenever I want a snack, and the break from sugar makes my body happier.

Mental and emotional well-being

Self-compassion starts with the mind. Checking in on your mental health is important when practicing self-compassion exercises. How have you been feeling lately? Are you consuming a lot of media? What does your everyday behavior look like when it comes to your emotional well-being?

here are some suggestions on how to maintain mental and emotional health

Journal: Keeping a journal has helped me organize even the craziest of thoughts. Whenever I feel perplexed or jumbled, I grab my journal and sift through my feelings until I can get everything out.

Limit your time on social media: Social media can be overwhelming for sure, but there are often subliminal messages in posts that trigger emotions we don't even realize. Be more aware of what you consume and understand that if it makes you feel off, turn away from it immediately.

Read more books: Indulge in creativity and imagination by picking up an interesting read. Not all the books have to be for self-improvement. Take yourself on an adventure and read something new. I will always recommend The Alchemist as a transforming read 😊

Talk to a friend: Seriously. Talk to someone you trust about how you feel. If you are blessed to have a dear friend who is open and willing to listen, use this opportunity to get some things off your chest.

Talk to a therapist: Therapy is a great way to stay on top of mental health and undo self-deprecating behaviors.

Using Affirmations to Challenge Your Inner Critic

If you are used to negative thinking and have a hard time, then let's rewire your brain using affirmations! Here are 10 affirmations that will help you show self-compassion.

I am learning every single day. Mistakes are lessons and I am a pupil
I love the way my mind works
I am always kind to myself
I show compassion to others because I show compassion to myself first
I am confident in my decisions
I believe I can do whatever I set my mind to
I make the right choices daily
I am grateful that I have so much to give to the world
I have high self-esteem
I love who I am and who I am becoming

Take Away Trail

Practicing self-compassion is just how it sounds. Practice. These tips are to help you elevate your thinking and behavior towards yourself. I have been where you might be right now, always putting myself down and seeing value in others while rejecting my gifts and talents as mere luck. It helps to change the direction that the inner critic normally takes which is often the path of negativity. Creating a mental environment where kindness and understanding are your first reaction starts with you. Follow these tips, and you will see the difference in your thought process and behavior toward the most important person in your life. You.

Join the Trail

Everything starts with YOU. Begin the journey to creating your trail.

Sign up with your email address to receive updates

DISCLOSURE: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS, MEANING I GET A COMMISSION IF YOU DECIDE TO MAKE A PURCHASE THROUGH MY LINKS, AT NO COST TO YOU. PLEASE READ MY TERMS OF USE POLICY FOR MORE INFO