How to Become More Vulnerable

I don’t know about you, but when I thought about vulnerability, my first reaction was to be opposed to it. I thought that vulnerability was more of a weakness than a strength. Part of me could see the strength of vulnerability but also the very real, very tangible, and very detrimental downfall. I have learned over time that being vulnerable does not have to be a bad thing. It allows you to feel like you can be in touch with your purest self. You can embrace yourself and feel safe. You can also create a connection with someone, whether that be romantic or platonic, on a strong foundation.

What Does It Mean to Be Vulnerable?
Vulnerability is Strength
How Can I Demonstrate Vulnerability?
How Do I Avoid Being Too Vulnerable?

What Does it Mean to Be Vulnerable?

The definition of Vulnerable is to be susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. In war, negotiations, and situations where you want to feel like you want advantage and leverage you do not want to be exposed. This is where a lot of our ideology of vulnerability comes from, which we equate to relationships and personal development. A lot of people are afraid of emotional pain, but to establish meaningful relationships you have to uncover truths about yourself that someone else will see and form thoughts about.

Vulnerability is Strength

My mother is a feminine life coach, and if there is anything that I have learned from her about how to operate in this world as a woman who wants to exude femininity, it’s to embrace vulnerability. Believe it or not, having the ability to be vulnerable has to be the strongest Characteristic a person can have.

A person who is comfortable with vulnerability is resilient, confident, and open to challenges and uncertainty in life. To be vulnerable in a relationship means that you are not coming into a relationship with predispositions, you are allowing someone to see you in your most comfortable and relaxed state. This is where we want optimized relationships because you are not hiding from the other person. A person embracing vulnerability is also very strong because he or she is open-minded to life experiences without the crippling fear of what could happen when taking a risk.

How Can I Demonstrate Vulnerability?

I can give you an example of how I became comfortable with being vulnerable. I’m not going to lie to you, there will be a pain. Pain exists in this life and we try to avoid it as much as possible because that is the way we are wired. Many people would not like it if you randomly slapped them in the face with an iron glove because many of us do not enjoy pain. We build walls and we get comfortable with being aggressive and defensive. Sometimes constructive criticism can be seen as an attack due to all of the walls that have been built to protect us from this uncomfortable feeling. In the past [and sometimes today], I masked my vulnerability by being a people pleaser.

My logic was If someone likes you and they speak highly of you because you are a hard worker, dependable, reliable, etc then they rarely have anything bad to say about you. To avoid this feeling of sadness and loss of control over my life, I became the person that everyone liked. Not because I wasn’t someone who could be likable, but because I didn’t want to face the possibility of encountering someone who did not like me. When someone doesn’t like you, they express negative emotions and I tried to avoid encountering Someone not liking me. This was because I didn’t want to internalize that therefore externalizing that in my behavior and actions. Avoiding negative criticism could have been an Olympic sport for me. As wonderful as I was to other people, I was also destroying myself. I had to realize I was responsible for only myself and people were not always going to like me. The trick was not to internalize it, which took me a while to learn. I use this example of expressing vulnerability in declaring what I like and what I do not like because that was me being my true self. The ability to tell someone I don’t like how they are treating me or disagree with someone who I deeply admire was a challenge. I discovered that protecting someone else's image of me, (and myself from being disliked) did me a disservice. I had to allow myself to be genuine.

Here is a journal exercise that you can study and answer for yourself when taking a deep dive into why being vulnerable feels uncomfortable.

When I feel like my walls are coming down, and the discomfort sets in, what do I associate this feeling with?

Example:

I am about to tell my boyfriend about an event in my past that had a negative and lasting effect on me. As I look into his face I can feel the discomfort set in. Suddenly, I don’t want to speak, and I don’t want to let him see the 'real me.' As I begin to speak in this moment, I feel shame, and that he will think differently of me. The root cause of this example is fear of rejection. You are afraid that if you share a part of your past you are not proud of, then you will be rejected in a vulnerable state that was already hard for you to admit.

Interchange this very situation with an example from your life that you would find as being vulnerable. When you encounter discomfort, get to the root of this issue by addressing it within yourself. Becoming vulnerable is not something that can be done overnight. It takes self-compassion and self-awareness of how you cooperate and interact with your own emotions.

How Can I Avoid Being Too Vulnerable?

This is a fine line that has to be explored by you. Some people are like an open book. They don't seem to have issues with talking about personal things with anyone! Then some people cannot cope with the fact that someone out there knows something about them that they don’t like about themselves.

This is something that you have to discover within yourself. What feels comfortable for you to share and how much of yourself you would like to share with someone? Being vulnerable does not mean that you have to act like your life is the next hit reality TV show and the whole world wants to know what toilet paper brand you use. Couth and privacy are subjective to many.

Now if you're looking for the ultimate answer to avoid pain, you may not be happy with this answer. Pain is not always avoidable however, it can be reduced by how we address certain situations with couth and discernment. Of course, I will bring up the keyword, mindfulness, because it is the act and practice of becoming your most aware self. There are many definitions of mindfulness that I talk about throughout the blog that allow you to develop confidence.

Related Article: 7 Practices to Be More Confident

Take Away Trail

Vulnerability is a process that takes patience and respect for yourself and your relationships. If you have the desire to be vulnerable, then these practices will help you break down some of the barriers that have been keeping you isolated. You deserve that space of vulnerability that starts with the mindset of which you are emulating strength and courage.

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